I've Got Nothing to Do But Smile
by SwitzDandelion
Summary: "I've got nothing to do today but smile" (Simon and Garfunkel). Two different snapshots of Merlin's life, past and future. AU One-shot written for a challenge.


**A/N: I'M BACK! Well, almost. This is a short one-shot I threw together, based on a challenge from **Method In Madness**. I hope it's not too messy and incoherent, but I wanted to finish it so I could keep working on my other fic. Hope it's vaguely enjoyable.**

**DISCLAIMER: I(still)DOM**

***** ****CHALLENGE: Write a story based on the following quote: "I've got nothing to do today but smile." - Simon and Garfunkel**** *****

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Merlin smiles.

That's all he ever does nowadays, is smile. When Arthur calls him an idiot, he smiles. When Gaius tells him he has chores to do, he smiles. When the knights tease him, he smiles. When Gwen asks if he's alright, he smiles.

As long as he keeps smiling, no one will notice how tired he is.

Unfortunately, he rarely ever actually smiles; he merely pretends to for the sake of those around him, so they will not come asking and interrogating him, wondering what's the matter. That's the problem with friends, they always want to help, they always think they know best. In this particular situation, that is exactly what Merlin dreads. Because his problem is not something any of them can deal with, let alone fix. There is no fix. The things that bother Merlin are so deep and ongoing that there is no reprieve, nor will there ever be.

He is tired, and not just physically, but mentally as well. He finds that his smiles are fake, mere lies to cover up his true depression. His life, if you can call it that, has been reduced to a pattern of instructions and actions. Get up, attend to Arthur. Pretend to joke about with him so he does not pay close attention. Do chores, be friendly to people. Attend to Arthur in the evening and do chores for Gaius. Eat something and go to sleep so the process can be repeated the next day. This monotony is broken only now and then when the castle is in danger of some kind, and Merlin takes care of it. But the rest of the time, he is barely aware of his surroundings; his routine has become habit, something he does without thought or enjoyment. He goes through the actions, barely noticing the people and events around him, a ghost of the bright and vibrant spirit he used to be.

While he still carries out his destiny, it is no longer in hopes of seeing it fulfilled. It has become instinctual for him to protect Arthur and his kingdom, but he does not do it for himself. He has given up on the hope of his friends accepting him as a sorcerer, forgiving him for lying for so long. His only point in carrying on is so that he can continue to protect those he cares about, which he plans to do until the day comes when he is too slow and he is killed. He has come to terms with his own death, as long as it is during a fight or in sacrifice to save someone; he would hate to die from something trivial and normal, after all he's faced in his short life. But he has given his life to protecting those around him, and to continue doing that, he must keep his magic a secret. He suffers for the sake of his friends, and they can never know or they would surely try to stop him from doing so.

And so he continues, never breaking the pattern, never doing anything for fun. He has become a machine, doing his job with no extra enjoyment on the side. His friends continually fail to see who he really is, for he plays his part well. They see the bright, cheery, idiotic boy they expect, when in truth, the only time Merlin really feels anything inside is when he is fighting some dangerous foe or thwarting an evil scheme. Then, on his own, he may finally be himself, the powerful sorcerer. He feels triumphant, strong, useful, and although he still never receives credit or recognition, it is during these brief periods that he is at his most content, closest to how he used to be. This is when he almost reaches the point of happiness once again.

But it is on days like today, when there is no danger and nothing to fight, that he feels dead inside. He has no purpose, no urgent need to do anything useful other than wash Arthur's socks. But he must continue his act of normalcy, his charade of happiness, to prevent suspicion. He jokes with Arthur. He runs errands for Gaius. He listens to Gwen's chatter. He takes Gwaine home when he is too drunk to walk. And he smiles for all of them, just as they expect him to. On days when there is no threat for him to deal with, no true purpose for his life, he has nothing to do but smile.

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Merlin smiles.

That's all he ever does nowadays, is smile. When Arthur admits to being an idiot, he smiles. When Gaius tells him that Alice might be coming to visit, he smiles. When the knights pat him on the back, he smiles. When Gwen tells him about her plans for the new baby, he smiles.

No matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to stop smiling.

Every single day, he finds himself grinning from ear to ear. He finds little fault with the world these days, but rather has fallen in love with it. He is constantly overwhelmed with a deep feeling of happy contentment, something that seems vaguely contagious. People around him seem to catch his cheerfulness themselves; often he will walk down the streets of Camelot talking to people as he passes, and they will find themselves in a better mood after he has left. He seems like such a genuinely lighthearted, merry man that they can't help but feel the same after interacting with him. He is generally beloved throughout Camelot, and not only because of his attitude. He is known as the caring but powerful protector of the people, the knight without armor, a humble celebrity who children aspire to be like. He is nearly as important and looked-up to as Arthur himself.

Of course, what no one knows is that he was not always this way. There was a time when he was depressed, finished with life, ready to give up. He had lost faith in his destiny and was merely waiting for his own death. Looking back, he hardly recognizes that person. His destiny has been fulfilled and he himself has made a complete turnaround. Magic is free, just as it was foretold, and they have reached an era of peace in Camelot; he finds himself completely free to do anything he likes, things he never had expected to be able to do before. He spends his days roaming the streets and the castle, purchasing magical charms from a local shop, speaking in council meetings, visiting Kilgarrah, and advising Arthur on court matters and magical laws. And to top everything off, Gwen is expecting a baby in a few months. Merlin could not possibly be happier.

He also finds that it is much easier to protect those he loves when he does not have to hide. As court sorcerer and right-hand man to the king, he has the freedom to go wherever he wishes and investigate as much as he likes; he is no longer bound by the constraints of secrecy and pretenses, and he is trusted to know the best course of action in dealing with threats. He and Arthur often laugh at his old excuse of being at the tavern, and how ridiculous it was. They seem to laugh in reminiscence a lot; Arthur laughs at Merlin for having the worst excuses ever, while Merlin laughs right back at him for believing them in the first place. They have far passed the point of Arthur being displeased with him and his past deeds, and all was forgiven long ago between the two of them.

So much has changed for him since that dark time in years past. Even now he marvels at the fact that he can openly perform a magic trick for some children in the street, and only be appreciated for it rather than faced with fear or disgust. He could never have foreseen just how far his destiny could go in achieving peace; there are rarely any magical threats to the kingdom, and thanks to Arthur's strong alliances with numerous other kingdoms, no one would ever dare to try and attack. Magic is slowly being woven back into normal society, with very little hatred or prejudices present among the people. Arthur and Gwen are the perfect royals, ruling with kindness and fairness, constantly trying to help the less fortunate of their people. The whole kingdom is at the most harmonious it's been for centuries, and while there are still threats now and then, they are easily dealt with by Merlin.

But it is on days like today, when there is no danger and nothing to fight, that he feels the happiest. He has no pressing purpose, no urgent need to do anything important other than the usual day-to-day matters. But he can still enjoy himself despite this, experience true happiness, unlike his past self. He jokes with Arthur. He runs errands for Gaius. He listens to Gwen's chatter. He takes Gwaine home when he is too drunk to walk. And he smiles with all of them, just as they expect him to. Only this time, it's no facade, no pretense; his smiles are all genuine. On days when there is no threat for him to deal with, no true problems in his life, he has nothing to do but smile.

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**A/N: So? Any thoughts? Everything is welcome and everything helps me improve; please don't worry about being mean or offending, feel free to tell me what you think. If you find a typo, or you think it's too confusing, or you just don't like my sentence structure, be sure to let me know in a review or a PM.**

**Also, in other news, I've got a fic in the works (multi-chapter) that I should be starting to post soon, so anyone who's interested, keep an eye out. Should be out before 2014.**

**Thanks so much to anyone who reads! :D**

**- SwitzD**


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